I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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