oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
