I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
