Where is the hickey?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
