It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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