Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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