You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
