my mouth tastes like poor choices
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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