i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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