We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We have so much sex to catch up on
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
