Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My balls are so social today.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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