He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your cock deserves a montage
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
