Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
