just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
