I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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