Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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