hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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