Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
