I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
