TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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