I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
