after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
