Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
