So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
