i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
