I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
