I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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