Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
