You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
