Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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