I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
