We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
