My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
