M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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