He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm like, not good at living.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
