i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
