Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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