oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
