Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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