I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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