I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
