dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
