just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My balls are so social today.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You have to summon your inner elephant
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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