fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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