I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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