he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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