we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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