it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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