Swine flu. Run for my life!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
