i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
