Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's blow job season.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
