She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
