so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
