I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
